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Welcome To The Dirty 30s Club


Leave a Comment Written by Chiao Kee Lim

The Dirty 30s Club.

It’s got nothing to do with an X-rated website featuring pictures of half-naked (or naked) women, a place where men go to in their alone time, in their privacy, to get their share of eroticism.

It’s not a nightclub, nor is it a radio station that plays music that only a group of people understand. Music that you can’t necessarily relate to. Music that has a lot of technology in it, but not a lot of soul.

It isn’t an exclusive club where you pay good money to use the cigar lounge, sit in plush chairs, and drink scotch or whisky while rubbing shoulders with the titans of the industry. It’s not a club that has a mascot of its own, an anthem to be proud of or a smart uniform that would stop traffic and turn heads.

There’s nothing really ‘dirty’ about this club. Nor is there anything really fancy about it either. But it is all about being in your 30s – all the years within in, before it and after it.

It had all started as an ode – as poetic justice about advancing towards the 3-0. It had all started with a note I posted on my facebook page called ‘The Dirty Thirties Club’. In that note, I wrote about my journey through my twenties, my ugly-duckling-turned-swan metamorphosis, my identity crisis, my search for meaning, my path to self discovery and all the confusion, anger, apathy, fear, doubt and suffering that came as part of the package.

My brother had posted a comment in response to that note. In it, he wrote ‘You should start a blog.’ I thought to myself, I have so many of them already. And it was in that moment, that The Dirty 30s Club was born. In that moment, I looked back on my twenties and realized that the turmoil that was my life showed up in the way I shared and connected with others through my blogs. I had kept a number of them – too many in fact – scattered all across the web. Some I shared publicly with others, others I kept privately to myself. I write often to a few, and sporadically to the rest. I am passionate about one or two of them, but feel aloof and lackluster towards the others. And if my blogs were anything like my life then, they were these – lack of focus, haphazard, chaotic, confused.

When I look back on all those years in my twenties, of finding my own voice, of sharing my stories and connecting with people, I realized that I was always just renting space on someone else’s real estate. I was bound by whatever the terms and conditions were of that particular lease and always felt a niggling fear at the back of my mind, that one day, I might wake up to find that the landlord would find something offensive about what I had written and would take all that had belonged to me – words, commas, hyphens and full stops – and evict me from its property without a backward glance.

So when the idea for The Dirty 30s Club formed in my mind, I thought this was it – metaphorically, this is what my 30s would be about – bringing people from all walks of life, of all ages, race and creed, together in a place that I can call my own. Whether as a means of escapism from the grunt of daily life, a place to connect with other people or as a source of inspiration, I hope that this place – this Club – will be your home, as much as it is mine, in the jungle that is virtual reality. I hope that you will be honest in your sharing, I hope that you will be respectful of others, but most of all, I hope that you are honest and respectful of yourself, and remain true to who you are in everything you do.

So, Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado, I welcome you to The Dirty 30s Club.

Founder and President,

Chiao Kee Lim

August 9th, 2010.

Posted in 3. Life - Tagged blogs about being in your 20s, blogs about being in your 30s, Chiao Kee, chiao kee lim, dirty thirties, inspirational stories, motivational stories, positive stories, stories on spirituality, the dirty 30s club

Why Your Love Should Never Be Offered


Leave a Comment Written by Chiao Kee Lim

In this edition of Remembering Your Spirit, I share a poem by Persian poet, Hafez. Read why he says your love should never be offered.

Your Love Should Never Be Offered

By Hafez

Love sometimes wants to do us a great favor: hold us upside down and shake all the nonsense out.

Your love
Should never be offered to the mouth of a stranger,
Only to someone who has the valor and daring
To cut pieces of their soul off with a knife
Then weave them into a blanket
To protect you.

Stay close to any sounds that make you glad you are alive.

Ever since happiness heard your name, it has been running through the streets trying to find you.
I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in the darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.

There are different wells within your heart.
Some fill with each good rain,
Others are far too deep for that

Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions.

Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, “You owe me”

There is no pleasure without a tincture of bitterness.

Love and hurt are two sides of the same coin. You cannot love without the risk of getting hurt and you only get hurt from having been completely open to love. The only question that remains to be answered is this:

Is your love for Love greater than your fear of hurt, or is your fear of hurt greater than your love for Love?

At the end of the day, the only thing that is real is Love. Fear is only an illusion designed to hoodwink you from what is the truth—that there is no lack of love, only walls built against it.

To love,

Chiao Kee

Posted in 2. Remembering Your Spirit - Tagged Chiao Kee, chiao kee lim, Hafez, how not to get hurt, love and hurt, love and hurt are two sides of the same coin, poems about love, poems by Hafez, the dirty 30s club, why your love should never be offered

These Are Allies You Should Have


Leave a Comment Written by Chiao Kee Lim

I love Paulo Coelho’s post entitled ‘Our Allies’ on his blog. As I read it, I saw many parts of me reflected in it. Go on and read about the type of allies he thinks we should have:

Our allies will not necessarily be the kind of dazzling people to whom everyone looks up and of whom they say: ‘There’s none better.’

On the contrary, they are people who are not afraid of making mistakes and who do, therefore, make mistakes, which is why their work often goes unrecognized.
Yet they are just the kind of people who transform the world and, after many mistakes, manage to do something that can make a real difference in their community.
They are people who can’t bear to sit around waiting for things to happen in order to decide which attitude to adopt; they decide as they act, well aware that this could prove highly dangerous.
Living with such people is important because we need to realize that before we face our goal, we must first feel free enough to change direction.

Join with all those who experiment, take risks, fall, get hurt and then take more risks.
Stay away from those who affirm truths, who criticise those who do not think like them, people who have never once taken a step unless they were sure they would be respected for doing so, and who prefer certainties to doubts.

Join with those who sing, tell stories, take pleasure in life, and have joy in their eyes, because joy is contagious and can prevent others from becoming paralysed by depression, loneliness and difficulties.

Do you have these allies on your team? Surround yourself with them, draw inspiration from them and most importantly be supported by them. If you don’t have anyone that fit that description, just remember that I’m on your team. I am your ally who is cheering you on at all times. :)

To read more about Paulo Coelho, go HERE.

To allies,

Chiao Kee

Posted in 1. Monday Motivation - Tagged Chiao Kee, chiao kee lim, environment is stronger than will, good allies to have, have a supporting team, inspirational stories, motivational stories, Our Allies, Paulo Coelho, the dirty 30s club, the type of allies you should have, who's on your team?

What Did This Cowboy Do That Made The Horse Laugh?


Leave a Comment Written by Chiao Kee Lim

If you haven’t noticed, I love animal jokes! This edition of Friday Funnies is a little R-rated, but I had to share it because it made me laugh out loud!

There once was this bar with a sign in its window. It read, anyone who can make my horse laugh will have all the drinks they want on the house. So this guy walks in and asks if he can give it a try. The bartender says sure.

The cowboy walks out there and whispers something in the horse’s ear. The horse starts laughing hysterically. The guys walks in and the bartender gives him the drinks. The next night the same guy and the same thing happens.

The third night the sign is changed to making the horse cry. The guy goes out side and a few minutes later he comes back in and the horse is crying.

The bartender says ‘o.k. you can have your drinks but first tell me what you did to make my horse laugh.’

The cowboy said, ‘I told him my privates are bigger than his.’

‘O.K. but how did you make him cry?’

The cowboy replied, ‘I proved it to him.’

Have a Funny Friday!

Chiao Kee

Posted in 4. Friday Funnies - Tagged 4. Friday Funnies, animal jokes, Chiao Kee, chiao kee lim, funny jokes, horses jokes, jokes about animals, jokes about cowboys, jokes about horses, the dirty 30s club, the joke about the cowboy who made the horse laugh

The Truth About Valentine’s Day


4 Comments Written by Chiao Kee Lim

The day before Valentine’s Day, I received a text message from a friend who recently came out of a long term relationship that ended quite painfully. In his message, he told me he wasn’t looking forward to Valentine’s Day. “Ewww” was the word he used to finish his sentence.

I told him he put too much value on that one day of the year and that it’s a day that is completely man made. If there was a “Single, Happy and Free Day”, the tables would be turned. Besides, the essence of Valentine’s Day has been compromised by the commercially perpetuated mass delusions to make florists, jewelers, confectioners and restaurant owners lots of money off star-crossed lovers. What makes it even sadder is the fact that love is only celebrated one day of the year, when in fact, it should be celebrated every day we are alive. Naturally, those were my views alone.

And since we are on the subject of man-made celebratory days, why is it that no one celebrates January 13th—Make Your Dreams Come True Day?

Or February 17th—Random Act of Kindness Day?

People would pull out all stops to celebrate April Fool’s Day but no one even knows about October 22nd—Make A Difference Day. Wouldn’t it be great if instead of focusing our energies on pulling pranks on people, we direct it to doing something kind for someone else?

In my book What My Mother Never Taught Me – The 7 Things I Wish I Had Known About Finding Happiness, I wrote about Definition vs Delusions. The idea that roses, chocolate and jewelry are an essential component on Valentine’s Day—to me—definitely fell into the bucket of delusions—commercially perpetuated mass delusions. This is obvious enough. Of course, everyone speaks a different language of love. To some, gifts are an important part of the love ritual, to others not so much. Different folks, different strokes.

A less obvious delusion appears in the form of a feeling. It’s a feeling of being lonely or stigmatised on Valentine’s Day because one is single. It’s that “ewww” feeling one gets from seeing other people all loved up when one is not. That delusion is more dangerous than the commercially perpetuated mass delusions about roses, chocolate and jewelry being the symbols of love. That delusion is birthed out of the unhealthy belief that the feeling of love needs to come from another person. That fallacy is one that I used to subscribe to myself and that is what it is—a fallacy.

Here’s the truth—the most important love is the one you feel for yourself. You are the only example the world has on how best to love you. If your feeling of love needs to come from someone else, I suggest you re-examine your ideas about love. The moment you place your own feelings of love and happiness in someone else’s hands, you’ve given away your power to a force outside of yourself. It’s like hinging your happiness on the weather—unpredictable and completely beyond your control.

I’ll feel happy when the sky is clear, the sun is out and the temperature is perfect at 25 degrees Celsius.

It may sound ridiculous when I put it this way but imagine if the rule actually sounds like this:

I’ll feel happy when I have a partner/spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend who is <insert height and weight>, has nice legs/arms/butt, beautiful eyes, with <insert colour> hair, who is rich and successful, who tells me he/she loves me all the time and showers me with attention, gifts and romantic gestures.

The rule about the weather probably sounds less ridiculous.

I’m not trying to be a love-basher, I’m just being frank because I was that person who used to think that my feeling of happiness and love needs to come from a significant other. I was the person who placed a significant importance on having a man provide my feeling of love, happiness and worth. Let me tell you this—if he can give it to you, he can also take it away from you. What happens then?

When I lost the man who I thought was my ‘The One’, I lost the anchor that was holding my boat down in the ocean. I had planned my life around him thinking that it was the right thing to do only to find myself a lost boat on a raging sea, being tossed around in the throes of the angry waves in the wake of his departure. Suddenly, I realized I didn’t have a life of my own definition. Suddenly, I realized my life was hitched to him. My happiness was hitched to him. My feeling of love was hitched to him. When he unhitched his ship from mine, I lost everything. I lost my sense of purpose, I lost my happiness and I lost the only feeling of love I have ever found with him. That was enough to send me into a downward spiral, down the bottomless pit that was despair. It was a painful lesson to learn but learn I did.

I don’t care for the Hollywood perpetuated mass delusion of the line “You complete me.”  All I care about is being whole and complete myself. All I care about is enjoying my own company, being happy in my own skin—with or without that significant other. All I care about is having a purposeful and joyful life of my own definition whether or not I have a man. When you think about it, the one person you live with every second of the day is YOU. THAT is the relationship you need to work on before you can have a healthy, functioning relationship with someone else.

To read free chapters from my book What My Mother Never Taught Me – The 7 Things I Wish I Had Known About Finding Happiness, go HERE to join the mailing list.

On that note, Happy Random Act of Kindness Day. Do something kind for someone on February 17th, or better yet, embrace kindness as part of your daily ritual. Be kind to others and most importantly, be kind to yourself.

To Man-Made Celebratory Days,

Chiao Kee

Posted in 3. Life - Tagged April fools day, catch him and keep him, Chiao Kee, chiao kee lim, depression, Direction in life, happiness, holidays, how to be happy, how to have a long lasting relationship, how to keep a man, Jerry McGuire, loneliness, love, make a difference day, make a dream come true day, make your dreams come true day, purpose in life, random act of kindness day, self love, self worth, the dirty 30s club, the truth about love, the truth about valentine's day, valentine's day, What my mother never taught me, where to find love, You Complete Me

The Three Forces


Leave a Comment Written by Chiao Kee Lim

In this edition of Remembering Your Spirit, I share three short analogies that epitomizes the essence of the unseen forces of Faith, Trust and Hope. These analogies bring a smile to my face. I hope it does the same for you.

  1. Once, all the villagers decided to pray for rain. On the day of the prayer, all the villagers gathered but only one boy came with an umbrella. That’s Faith.
  2. Listen to a one-year old baby. When you throw him in the air, he laughs because he knows you will catch him. That’s Trust.
  3. Every night we go to bed without any assurance that we would wake up the next morning but we still have plans for tomorrow. That’s Hope.

The unseen forces of Faith, Trust and Hope give certainty to uncertainty. Is there an uncertainty that is causing you fear or anxiety right now? Remember these three stories and draw strength from them.

Chiao Kee

Posted in 2. Remembering Your Spirit - Tagged 2. Remembering Your Spirit, Chiao Kee, chiao kee lim, inspirational quote, inspirational stories, lessons about life, motivational quote, motivational stories, positve stories, stories about faith, stories about hope, stories about trust, the dirty 30s club

What Is Love?


2 Comments Written by Chiao Kee Lim

This edition of Monday Motivation is a collection of love stories from MarcAndAngel.com. I wanted to share these as a reminder that love comes in different shapes and sizes, and love shows up in all forms at all times—not just as roses, chocolates and a romantic dinner with a significant other on Valentine’s Day. The most important love of all is the one you feel for yourself. Nurture that love. You are the only example to the world on how best to love you. Remember that.

Here are my top picks:

  • Today, my 8-year-old son hugged me and said, “You are the best mom in the whole entire world!” I smiled and sarcastically replied, “How do you know that? You haven’t met every mom in the whole entire world.” My son squeezed me tighter and said, “Yes I have. You are my world.”
  • Today, my 21 year old Labrador can barely stand up, can’t see, can’t hear, and doesn’t have enough strength to bark. But it doesn’t stop her from wagging her tail a mile a minute every single time I walk into the room.
  • Today is our 10th anniversary, but since my husband and I are both recently unemployed we agreed not to get each other any gifts. When I woke up this morning, my husband was already up. I walked downstairs to find beautiful wild flowers brilliantly arranged all over the house. There must be 400 flowers total and he didn’t spend a dime.
  • Today, I was driving home with my grandfather when he suddenly made a u-turn and said, “I forgot to get your grandmother a bouquet of flowers. I’ll pick up one from the florist at the corner down here. It’ll only take a second.” “What’s so special about today that you have to buy her flowers?” I asked. “There’s nothing specifically special about today,” my grandfather said. “Every day is special. Your grandmother loves flowers. They put a smile on her face.”
  • Today, my 11-year-old son speaks fluent sign language because his best friend, Josh, who he grew up with from the time he was an infant, is deaf. Seeing their genuine friendship evolve and grow over the years.
  • Today, my sister and I were in a bad car accident. My sister is Mrs. Popular at school – she knows everyone. I’m a bit of an introvert – I hang-out with the same 2 girls all the time. My sister immediately posted a comment on Facebook about our accident. And while all her friends were commenting, my 2 friends showed up independently at the scene of the accident before the paramedics arrived.
  • Today, my 12-year-old son, Sean, and I stopped by the nursing home together for the first time in several months. Usually I come alone see my mother who’s suffering from Alzheimer’s. When we walked into the lobby, the nurse said, “Hi, Sean!” and then buzzed us in. “How does she know your name?” I asked. “Oh, I swing by here on my walk home from school all the time to say hi to Grandma,” Sean said. I had no idea.
  • Today, after I heard that my mom stayed home from work with the flu, I stopped by Wal-Mart on my way home from school to pick her up some canned soup. I ran into my dad who was already in the check-out line. He had 5 cans of soup, NyQuil, tissues, tampons, 4 romantic comedy DVDs and a bouquet of flowers. My dad makes me smile.
  • Today, my autistic little sister spoke her first word at the age of 6 – my name.
  • Today, my dad came to see me for the first time in 6 months since I told him I’m gay. When I opened the door he had tears in his eyes and he immediately gave me a huge hug and said, “I’m sorry, Jason. I love you.”
  • Today, my grandpa keeps and old, candid photo on his nightstand of my grandma and him laughing together at some party in the 1960’s. My grandma passed away from cancer in 1999 when I was 7. This evening when I was at his house, my grandpa caught me staring at the photo. He walked up, hugged me from behind and said, “Remember, just because something doesn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while.”

For more of these stories go to MarcAndAngel.com.

To love,

Chiao Kee

Posted in 1. Monday Motivation - Tagged Chiao Kee, chiao kee lim, family love, heartwarming stories of love, how do you know when you're in love, love blogs, love stories, Marc and Angel, real love, relationship blogs, romantic stories about love, self love, the dirty 30s club, The One, true friendship, true love, valentine's day, what does love look like, what is love

At The Circus


Leave a Comment Written by Chiao Kee Lim

This edition’s Friday Funnies is an R-rated joke, so proceed with caution. :)

A couple took their young son to the circus and when the elephants appeared, the boy seemed very intrigued by them.

“Mommy, what’s that long thing on the elephant?” he asked.

“That’s the elephant’s trunk, dear,” she replied.

“No, not that. What’s that long thing that’s hanging between the elephant’s legs?” asked the boy.

Embarrassed, the mother replied, “Oh, it’s nothing, son.” She then left to get some hot dogs and sodas.

While she was gone, the young boy turned to his father and asked, “Daddy, what’s that long thing hanging between the elephant’s legs?”

“That’s the elephant’s penis, son,” explained the father.

“Well, why did mommy say it was nothing when I asked her?” the boy asked.

Taking a deep breath, the father proudly replied, “I’ve spoiled that woman, son!”

Have a fantastic Friday!

Chiao Kee

Posted in 4. Friday Funnies - Tagged animal jokes, circus jokes, funny jokes, jokes about elephants, penis jokes, the dirty 30s club
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